


Little Love

by DearSpencerReid



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-16 15:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13639368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearSpencerReid/pseuds/DearSpencerReid
Summary: For the seven months following your breakup, you’ve kept your pregnancy a secret from Spencer, unsure of how he would react. But when the two of you are unexpectedly forced to see each other again, it doesn’t take long for your growing secret to reveal itself.





	1. Chapter 1

For the first time in three hours, a calm silence had fallen over your apartment.

The fraying copy of “Goodnight Moon” that Henry had picked out was long forgotten as his blue eyes finally gave into the sleep that he had been fighting for so long.

Reveling in your ability to lull the rambunctious toddler to sleep, you placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before carefully removing yourself from the guest bed where he lay — all the while making a mental note to give JJ kudos on how she manages to do it every single night.

Leaving the bedroom door open just a crack, you took a moment to enjoy the still of the atmosphere and out of habit, placed a hand on your ever-growing baby bump.

All night long you had found yourself laughing right along with every little giggle that Henry exuded, and adoring the many colorful drawings that he had created for your refrigerator door. The seemingly permanent smile you wore was in part due to the inherent joy that came with babysitting Henry, and the other half due to the thought that one day, you would be going through the exact same motions with your own child.

But yet, with every bright vision of the future you had, came with it a storm of anxious thoughts.

Seven months ago, the home you had built within the bounds of Spencer’s love began to crumble.

With his rising panic of developing schizophrenia and then the grief he was overcome with after the death of Emily, you watched in agony as Spencer did his best to conceal the crumbling state of his mind from you. It wasn’t until one night, when the demons of his mind became too much to bear, that he confessed to you his contemplation of relapsing. That night ended in heartache, as Spencer’s broken voice ended your relationship, only wanting to protect you from the danger he believed to potentially possess.

But unbeknownst to either you or Spencer at the time, you were not the only ones left in the wake of your fallen love.

Close to two months had passed before you could no longer dismiss your bouts of heartburn and missed period as signs of stress. Three at home pregnancy tests later and you were left with positive signs and a growing pit in your stomach. It almost seemed to be a miracle when JJ stopped by your apartment on that exact night.

Being one of Spencer’s closest friends meant that the two of you had grown exceptionally close during the course of your relationship, so it was no surprise when she stopped by to see how well you were faring. 

After listening to you pour your heart out and wiping away the occasional stray tear, JJ made a promise to stay supportive of you, just as long as you didn’t leave Spencer in the dark about his unborn child.

“He deserves to hear it from you. He would want to hear it from you.” she reiterated to you just hours earlier as she and Will dropped Henry off at your apartment. The two of them had been yearning for a date night, so you volunteered to watch Henry, saying that it would give you a little insight into the world you would be stepping into — even if it would take a while before your little one reached Henry’s stage of activity.

“Maybe the perfect chance will come up soon,” she quipped before leaving, smiling as if aware of something you weren’t.

Three sharp knocks rapping against your front door broke the previous quiet of both your home and your mind.

Careful not to trip over the crayons that Henry had left splayed across your living room floor, you made your way towards the entrance as quick as your feet would allow.

Assuming it to be JJ coming to pick up her little boy, a lump formed in your throat at the much taller and messy haired man that stood on the other side of the door.

The meek smile that Spencer adorned once locking eyes with you fell quickly as his sight was immediately drawn to the swell of your stomach.

“Spencer,” you choked out, “What are you doing here?”

“JJ asked me to pick up Henry,” his voice monotonous as it hit your ears for the first time in months, “She said you wanted to talk to me.”

With a weak nod, you opened your door even wider for Spencer to enter out of the hallway, the smug grin that JJ flashed earlier making sense now.

“Did you know before I broke up with you?” the question left Spencer’s mouth in a gruff tone, taking you by surprise even though it shouldn’t have. It wouldn’t take a certified genius to do the math and realize it was his.

“No,” you answered earnestly, “I didn’t even know until two months after.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” his voice began to rise with anger, “Did you plan on just not telling me at all?”

“Can you please not be so loud?” you hissed, remembering that Henry was asleep just feet away. Grabbing ahold of Spencer’s arm, you dragged him into the kitchen, knowing that there was less of a chance of Henry overhearing the argument that was rising between Spencer and yourself.

“Well?” Spencer backed away from you, crossing his arms across his chest, “How far along are you?”

“Seven months,” you bit the inside of your lip, guilt bubbling in your throat, “Almost eight.”

“Seven months!” Spencers shrill cry making you cringe slightly, “You’ve known for that long and didn’t once try to tell me?”

“It’s not like I didn’t want to tell you, Spencer!” you snapped, becoming defensive even though you knew you were the one at fault in this situation.

“Well it sure seems like it.” his tone cold and condescending, one that he never thought he would be directed at you.

“Believe me, Spencer, I did. I even tried calling you right after I found out but you just ignored me,” Tears began pricking at your eyes but they didn’t deter the outrage in your voice. “I thought if you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore, why would you want anything to do with this baby?”

“I never once said that I wanted nothing to do with you!” Spencer jutted a finger out towards where you stood across from him, “Do not try and pin this on me. You were the one who kept my child a secret from me. All I wanted to do was protect you.”

“Well, it didn’t work. No, instead I was left feeling terrified and alone. How was I supposed to kno—”

A series of rapid taps rippling across the front of your bump cuts your sentence short, a gasp leaving your lips as you settle your hand against the area you had just felt them.

“What’s wrong?” Spencers resolve dropped the instance you grabbed your stomach, his anger replaced with concern as he closed the space between the two of you and placed a hand on your shoulder.

“The baby just kicked,” you breathed out a laugh, looking up to meet his worried stare, “They’ve never kicked that hard before.”

Relief flooded his features immediately, “Some recent studies suggest that an unborn baby can pick up on their mother’s emotions. The kicking was probably a reaction to your frustration.”

With a tight-lipped smile, you shook your head and reached for Spencer’s hands, “Or maybe, they wanted to say hi to their dad for the first time.”

Placing his hands against the cotton of your shirt, just above your belly button, it didn’t take long before another kick thumped right against Spencer’s hand. His eyes grew wide with wonderment and his mouth fell agape, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that there was an actual child growing within your body, his child.

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” Spencer asked softly, having found his voice again.

“No,” you gently shook your head, “Kinda wanted it to be a surprise.” 

Spencer simply nodded and moved his hand along the skin of your stomach to follow the movements of the baby. You hadn’t realized your hands still laid atop of Spencer’s until they glided right along with his.

Running a thumb over his knuckle as they came to rest where the baby had shifted to, the moment felt natural. As if this is where you were meant to be all along. With Spencer, completely in love and at a loss of words upon feeling the life you had created together stretch and wiggle around.

“Spence,” you breathed out, it almost felt sinful to break the awe-inspired silence that had fallen in your dimly lit kitchen, “There aren’t enough words in the world to tell you how sorry I am.”

As a wistful smile graced Spencer’s lips, the sound of a tiny voice calling your name sounded from across your apartment.

Spencer and yourself shared a giggle, something that brought nostalgia to both of you.

“I’ll go get him,” your voice remained hushed, hesitantly peeling your hands away from the warmth that Spencer’s radiated and hastily made your way to Henry who was yelling your name in a singsong manner now.

Going to meet you in the living room, a small black and white photo pinned to the fridge with a flower shaped magnet caught Spencer’s attention. The sonogram photo showed the outline of your baby, the only definable feature being their button nose, identical to that of Spencer’s. Around the border, written in messy handwriting were the words ‘little love’ and a drawing of a heart.

“You can take it if you want to,” your voice took Spencer by surprise, tearing his unwavering gaze away from the image.

“Are you sure?” Spencer looked to where you stood in the living room, Henry’s sleeping form positioned rather awkwardly on one hip while you held his backpack in the other.

“I’m positive, Spencer. I have tons of other sonogram pictures.” you encouraged him.

Not needing any further coaxing, Spencer slid the magnet aside and pulled the priceless photo from its previous home on the fridge and tucked it into the pocket of his cardigan.

With the photo now secure in his position, Spencer joined you in the living room and gently took Henry from your arms, as well as collecting his small backpack from you.

Guiding him towards your front door, not a word was spoken between you and Spencer. Neither of you sure on what to say or where the two of you stood now.

“Goodnight, Henry,” you swept his golden locks out of his face and placed a kiss to his temple, to which you received a tiny hum at the sensation, “Goodnight to you too, Spencer.”

“You know,” Spencer whispered, careful not to wake Henry once again as he stepped into your apartment building’s hallway, “I never did stop loving you.”

His confession made your breath catch in your throat.

“I never stopped loving you either.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Spence.”

And with that, the two boys disappeared down the corridors of your apartment complex.

Shutting the door behind you and leaning up against it, you once more placed a hand on your baby bump and closed your eyes.

Things were far from perfect between you and Spencer, but now you felt as if there was some spark of hope for your future.

Hope that maybe, just maybe, you would be with Spencer, completely in love and at a loss of words upon watching the life you had created together grow and discover the world around them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that the secret of your pregnancy is no longer that, Spencer is given the chance to meet his child, and perchance, rekindle the love lost between yourselves.

Laying underneath the harsh fluorescent lighting of the ultrasound room, a hint of a smile formed on your lips at the realization that there truly were only three things certain in life.

Taxes, death, and Spencers inevitable tendency to spew more facts than normal when nervous.

“Did you know that in ancient Greece it was believed that a woman’s womb would wonder throughout their bodies at their own accord, essentially wreaking havoc?”

“I can’t say I did,” the crepe paper you laid on top of crinkling slightly as you turned your head to look at where Spencer stood to the left of you, intently studying the graphics of a poster that read ‘Pregnancy And Birth’ in bold letters along the top.

“Hippocrates himself even believed the theory. Some even say he was the one who originated it,” Spencer glanced over his shoulder to where you waited on the exam table, a nervous smirk still etched on his features, before moving on to the next informative poster in the room.

Since entering the doctor’s office alongside you, Spencer had been restless. While waiting for your name to be called, he limited his nerves to bouncing his knee up and down in a rapid manner, but now in the open space of the exam room, he resorted to pacing around aimlessly and reading every pamphlet or poster within sight.

Although, if truth be told, Spencer had been jittery from the moment you asked if he would want to accompany you to your next sonogram appointment. 

Eleven days had passed since the night that Spencer left your apartment with the new found knowledge that he was going to be a father. The reality of his impending parenthood instantaneously set in the following morning when he went to the closest home goods store in order to purchase a frame just for the purpose of holding the silhouetted photo he had already ingrained in his memory.

Along with constantly catching himself staring at the picture he had proudly displayed on his desk, Spencer had also taken up the habit of calling you each night. The first few of your conversations bordered on awkward and lasted for no longer than ten minutes, neither of you entirely sure what to talk about other than how you had been feeling that day or if anything had happened in relation to the baby.

But as more nights passed, you found yourself looking forward to Spencer’s phone calls, excited to tell him about how you had been able to feel the baby’s tiny hiccups that day or about the stack of baby books you had added to their ever growing collection.

So as the day grew closer for your eight-month ultrasound appointment, you wanted more than anything for Spencer to be there. It was the very first thing you brought up to him two nights before it was scheduled, barely having the time for the question to leave your lips before Spencer was eagerly accepting your invite and asking for the details as to when and where the appointment would be.

And while he wanted to maintain a facade of ‘calm, cool, and collected’ when the time came for him to see his child for the first time, it melted the moment he pulled up outside of the medical building. Although you couldn’t exactly blame him for how he was feeling, thinking back to how you contemplated not even exiting your car when your own time came eight months ago.

Taking a step away from the last unread poster and placing his hands in his pockets, Spencer spoke up again, “There’s also an old wives tale that exists in several cultures that suggest if a woman looks at an unpleasant or ugly animal while she’s pregnant, the baby will take a resemblance to that animal.”

A laugh bubbled in the back of your throat at the absurdity of what you had just heard, “Well,” you raised your right hand to show Spencer your crossed index and middle fingers, “Let’s hope I haven’t seen the winner of this year’s ugliest dog contest then.”

The uneasy grin that Spencer had been wearing was replaced by one of a genuine manner, shaking his head gently as another of your quiet giggles met his ears, “I don’t think it’s possible for you to create anything that’s less than beautiful.”

You felt your heart skip a beat, becoming vehemently aware of the sincerity that laced Spencer’s words and lingered in his eyes, your mind struggling to find the right words that your gaping mouth wished to express.

Three quick knocks rapping against the exam room door served as your saving grace, diverting both yours and Spencer’s attention away from each other and towards the greeting smile of your obstetrician.

“Good morning!” she chimes, setting the chart she carried alongside her down before reaching out to shake your hand, “I thought that I heard two voices coming from in here!”

“Dr. Hollis, this is Spencer,” your voice coming out in a breathy tone as you sat up just enough to reciprocate her handshake, guiding your eyesight to where Spencer stood meekly beside you, “He’s the baby’s father.”

You had been wary of the reaction it would draw from her with having Spencer present, having only mentioned him once or twice before when information was needed for medical forms, but judging by the way Dr. Hollis merely nodded and moved to shake Spencer’s hand, she was seemingly unfazed — and even understanding when Spencer opted to wave politely instead of accepting her physical greeting.

“Well it’s lovely to meet you, Spencer,” Dr. Hollis spoke, taking a seat on the small stool positioned beside the ultrasound machine, “Now, let’s see how the little one is doing today, shall we?”

After running through a brief list of routine questions and applying enough gel to the skin of your stomach, Dr. Hollis begins moving the imaging wand around your bump until the machines black and gray screen displays a full view of your baby.

Even after eight months, your heart still soars at the image being cast in front of you and your mind still reels at how you could love someone so deeply without having met them yet.

It isn’t until you feel a hand grip yours that you realize you’ve been too entranced by tiny hands and a button nose to notice the stars that shone in Spencer’s eyes.

“That’s our baby.”

Emotion wore thick in his voice, betraying the steadiness he attempted to hold. Unshed tears began to cloud his vision before rubbing them away with the tips of his fingers, not daring to disturb the vision of ethereal beauty he was paying witness to.

“Yeah,” you found yourself tearing up, “Yeah it is.”

“They’re doing quite well. Heart looks good, measurements look good,” Dr. Hollis softly interjects, jotting down a quick note in her chart before sharing a kind smile between both of you, “I also take it that we’re still waiting to find out the gender?”

With a gentle squeeze that draws his eyes to meet yours, you gestured towards the ultrasound screen with your free hand, “Do you want to?”

It takes Spencer a split second to process what you’re asking, an audible breath catching in his throat as he finally understands, “I-I thought you wanted to wait?”

“I did,” you ran your thumb across the bridge of his knuckles, “But you deserve one of these memories.”

Without so much as a word spoken, Dr. Hollis understands and begins moving the imaging wand against your stomach again. The grip that Spencer holds on your hand tightens, as does your chest, once Dr. Hollis ceases the wands movements and stills the frame so it’s easier to read.

“Looks like you’ve got a healthy baby boy on your hands!”

A shaky laugh of elation falls from your lips, the future you had envisioned for your little love becoming clearer now as the picture of a little boy with downy curls and dimples filled your mind.

The familiar rush of déjà vu you had experienced just nights ago crashes over you once again as you feel Spencer’s hand leave yours in exchange for wrapping his arms around you unexpectedly— and although the hug was inconvenienced by your relaxed position and the swell of your stomach, it felt like returning home.

“We’re having a boy,” Spencer’s words hit the shell of your ear, the tears that had been pooling in his eyes now falling freely against your temple, “I’m going to have a son.”

Winding your arms around Spencer’s neck and basking in the warmth of his exuberance, the sensation of déjà vu continues to grow, even after your hug has broken and Dr. Hollis has escorted the two of you out of the exam room upon finishing her scam.

“Congratulations, mom, and dad. That little one of yours is incredibly lucky to have parents like you.” Her farewell played like a broken record in your memory as you walked alongside Spencer out into the parking lot.

Mom and dad. Not just you, not just Spencer, but the two of you serving as a whole unit. It had been the first time you thought of yourself as anything other than two separate people, let alone been referred to as parents.

Leaning up against the driver’s side of your car, mostly to catch your breath but partly to recollect your racing thoughts, Spencer was quick to take notice of the later.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” he asked, curious as to why your disposition had dropped so suddenly.

You began to nod your head yes, but halted and shook your head no, “We’re going to be parents, Spencer.”

Spencer’s only response was an eyebrow quirked in confusion, a silent sign asking for you to elaborate.

“Parents as in us. As in the two of us working together to raise this baby. As in there actually being an us at all,” every ounce of regret and ache you had been holding in for the past eight months began pouring out, “I don’t even know if you want an us, and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. I mean, you’ve already missed out on so much because of me. You could have been there from the beginning, and been able to experience everything, but I was too selfish and scared. I screwed up there ever being a chance of having us ever again, but I don’t want that for our little boy.”

For the second time that day, it takes Spencer a moment to completely process what you had just confessed to him, but now as he understands, he moves to stand directly in front of you, instinctively reaching for your hands.

“Nothing can change what’s happened, or how much I’ve missed,” you can feel tears welling in your eyes at the words that leave Spencer’s lips, “But I’m here now, and I want us.”

Spencer removes his hand from your right arm and settles it on the material of your shirt, just above your belly button, “All of us.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

A tearful sigh fell from your lips, “The doctor was right,” you remarked, able to feel your eyes beginning to crinkle from the smile forming on your lips, “He really is lucky to have you.”

And whether it be luck, or divine intervention, or even fate, you can feel the damaged walls of your love begin to be restored as Spencer rested his forehead against yours.

You were home. You were all home.


End file.
